Confessions
by Digital Tempest
Summary: [Humor] It's confession time for Chris Jericho what's going on in that head of his? We take a peek at his 'diary' to find out. PRIVATE! KEEP OUT: This means you.


**title:** Confessions of A Punk Ass Bitch..  
**author:** Tempest  
**email:** tempest@thatbitch.com  
**disclaimer:** Don't own, don't sue. No Copyright infringement intended.  
**author's notes:** This is just a parody of the whole sudden Y2J heel turn. Where did this come from? Well, one night me and Stephanie (SassyLilScorpio) were discussing it and I started making jokes. And these are basically jokes from the IMs. They were Dear Diary jokes, of course. Where did the Dear Diary jokes come from? Well, I was looking at one my old fics - Diary of a Diva, and it just sorta went from there. Some of it is made up, some of it is factual. If you don't like it, oh well don't read it. It's all in fun. It isn't meant to portray the truth. Warning this story has slashy intentions. I like Chris Jericho. He will always hold a place here. *points at heart* There might be more; there might not depends on my mood. Thanks Stephy-poo for all the help. KTHXBI - 'kay thanks, bye....

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Dear Diary...  
I, Chris Jericho, feel like being angry at someone today. I don't know who, though. *shrugs*  
Hey, I know, I'll look in my WWF calendar and pick a person. I've already had a fued  
with Chris Benoit. Now, we're like the bestest buds. Funbreeze, yanno? Well, maybe you  
don't know, you're just a stupid diary. Ummm...Trish Stratus. Oh yuck, no! She's a stoopid  
girl, but I fight with Stephie-poo all the time. That's different's; she's a ho. She's not a real girl.  
Oooooohhhh, The Rock. I fueded once with him before. He was a lot of fun, and since I have nothing   
better to do, I chose him. Forget build up, let's just get to the action.I'll just start hating him cause  
I got to fight him. The Rock *swoons* It's like falling in love all over again. KTHXBI   
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho

Dear Diary (dot dot dot)  
Aren't I creative? I took a big drink of Haterade, today. I feel refreshed now and ready to start my day. I   
think I'll go put The Rock in the Walls of Jericho 50 times in a row for no apparent reason. I don't know maybe  
I enjoy seeing The Rock...wringing in pain... muscles bulging...his face all sweaty... with those tight black trunks on..  
Is it getting hot in here? Or is it just me? I guess I'd better let up a window or sumthin', huh? Ahhh,   
much better. Anyhoo..Last week, I , Chris Jericho, hit The Rock over the head with a chair 3 times, and  
I gave him The Rock Bottom twice. * nods* I'm off to have fun with The Rock now, diary. Don't wait up for me.  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho  
P.S. We should really stop calling you diary. I think we're friends now, no need to be so formal. You need a real  
name. Hmm... how about Kittarella Constance Jericho? I'll call you Kitty for short. I knew you would like it. *kisses*

Dear Kitty,  
I remember when I first met The Rock, two years ago. That's when I graced the WWF world with my unforetold beauty. I put my   
hair up in my spiffiest ponytail. You know the messy one that sits on top of my head. That makes me look ultasexy. *gawr* Fernando   
did it for me, he made sure all the strands fell in the right place. I put on my prettiest shirt strategically opened across my   
chest (to show off my muscles), and of course I made sure I was nicely oiled down. You never know when you'll meet that significant other,  
so, I had to look my best. My countdown started in the middle of one of The Rock's memorable speeches. Don't ask me what he was talking  
about Kitty, I can't for the life of me remember, but there he was the man I love to hate standing in the ring. Anyhow, when I started   
to speak, the crowd started to chant "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky..." or were they saying "Cocky, Cocky, Cocky..."? Kitty, you said COCK.  
I'm going to have to wash your mouth out with soap. The Rock really is a cocky bastard, though... or were they talking about me? *cries*   
I'm so confused now. I've got to go. My hair is getting limp from all this heat and humidity. *screams* God, when it did it get so hot? Vince really needs  
to do something about the A/C in these places he drags us too. It's hotter than a virgin in a whore house in here. Look what you did.   
You're corrupting my impressionable mind, Kitty. *giggles*   
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho

Dear Kitty...  
*sniff* Something bbbbaaaaddd happened last night. I mean really awful. I was putting The Rock in the Walls of   
Jericho (that's me). It looks so totally painful. Anyway... A STOOPID REFEREE PULLED MY HAIR! *screams* He messed up my  
beautiful mane, but here's the icing on the cake. Instead of worrying about me and my beautiful golden locks (which   
rivals Goldilocks, you know the girl from that fairy tale), they were worried about The Rock. *double screams* What   
about me, *pouts* what about Jericho? *tee-hee* I sound like Raven. See I can be deep. I'm off now, Kitty. I have an appt.  
with my hairdresser, Fernando. He's going to put my locks back in tip-top condition. I have to be beautiful for  
all the Jerichoholics out there.  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho  
P.S. Do you think The Rock thought I was cute with my hair all dishevaled? Do you think he was thinking aboout how sexy I looked and  
wondered if I looked like that in the mornings? Do you think he digs the whole sexy straight outta bed look, Kitty? Answer me,  
damn you. What did you call me? I HATE YOU! I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!

Dear Kitty...  
Okay, I forgive you for calling me a bitch in heat. Oh, oh, oh! He talked to me today *squeal*. It reminds me of that time before  
Invasion ended and he let me touch his hand.. and then.. and then... HE TOUCHED MY HAND BACK. *drools* Anyway, today, I was  
walking down the hallway, and it was really narrow and he was like "Excuse me, punk ass bitch. You're in The Rock's way." Isn't that  
kEwLiEz? Of course, I responded with a comeback. "Maybe you're in Jericho's way, bitch." Then he stared me down and walked away.  
*falls over* But you know just because he talked to me that doesn't mean anything. I'm so not into The People's Strudel. I'm into chicks.  
Yeah, all the way. I do! Remember Chyna? She was such a manbeast, but she looked pretty hot in that leather, and when she flexed her   
muscles I turned into a puddle of goo. *swoons* See, I told you totally hetarho...er....haterho....het-er-o-sex-u-al. Wow, that was a  
big word and really hard to spell. Gay is easier to spell. And then there's my Stephie-poo. She's not a real girl, but she's close to one.. or are hos just considered   
people? I don't know. She looks similar to a girl, though. Trish is pretty cute...ew... yuck no! What are you letting me say? Edge is pretty.  
Wait, that isn't right. Edge isn't a girl, but he has pretty teeth and nice hair. He should have been a girl. Stacey Keibler is only 1/4 a person.  
How can I judge just 1/4 of a person? She's nothing but bones and legs. She had pretty sickly looking legs at that. LITA! Now, I know she's a girl. I don't   
know about her being cute girl, but she's nice to me. But then again, she might be a really nice looking man. Then why would Matt be dating her.   
Hmmmm... this is making my head hurt *holds head* Anyway enough about that, just because I think about The Rock all the time doesn't mean   
anything. Just because I made sure my hair was in place before I bumped into him doesn't mean a damn thing. It just means I wanted to look good   
and impress him. We are fueding, duh. I want him to be jealous. I want him to be like, "Dayum, that Jericho is one fine dude." That's all Kitty.   
Did I mention this was just like falling in love all over again? I did, didn't I? *double squeals*  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris (Mrs. Rock) Jericho

Dear Kitty...  
I fought the 'Big Red Machine' tonight. I imagined he was The Rock. It was hard considering that Kane is so big. I kept trying to lock in the   
Walls of Jericho, but have you seen this man's legs Kitty? THEY'RE HUGE! *screams* So after a lot of attempts, I finally locked the Walls in.  
Then I put him in the Walls again for no apparent reason just because I'm Chris Jericho, and he's Kane. *thinks* I don't have a real fued   
with Kane. I don't think The Undertaker is going like that much. I might want to look out for him. He'll really kill me. He's a big meanie.   
Vince put me in that match. He said I had a massive ego. Can you believe that man? He accused I, Chris Jericho, of having a massive ego.   
What about The Rock? The Rock has a massive ego bigger than mine if you really think about it.  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho

Dear Kitty...  
I hate that stoopid Rob Van Dam. He teamed up with The Rock against me and the Dudleys. He got to touch The Rock  
all night. No Fair. It's not so fun being heel. Once upon a time it was me in RVD's shoes. I can't believe The Rock   
replaced me with RVD. I can't believe he even found someone to replace me so quickly. I saw him flirting with RVD   
earlier. *sigh* I am so jealous. Talk about a lowblow to my ego *cries* The Dudleys were my partners (of course dot dot dot)  
D'Von would be pretty hot if lost the glasses, same goes for Buh Buh-Ray. I mean..geez haven't they ever heard of   
contacts? When you're teaming with Jericho you must be as beautiful as Jericho. Who betta than Jericho? *tee-hee*   
I made a funny, hope Kanyon doesn't mind. Oh, I forgot, CHRIS KANYON IS OUT OF A JOB. *sticks tongue out* The Rock   
wants me, I know it. He wants my sexy body. I saw him standing on the apron looking at my too sexy body. I could   
literally see the drool forming at his mouth as I, Chris Jericho, stood there on the opposite side. I gave The Rock the  
beating of his life. I even did The Rock Bottom on him to put the exclamation point on the sentence. Then, I did his sniffing   
thing cause that's hot, and I wanted to taunt him. It'll make him want me more. Aren't I a tease, Kitty? 'Night.  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho

Dear Kitty...  
Today was a very bad day. *cries* First of all, I didn't get to see The Rock, be still my beating heart. Then...JERK ANGLE TRIED   
TO TALK TO ME. I was walking down the hallway with Jeff Hardy. The only man as beautiful as Jericho himself. We were   
talking about fashion. Then we saw Angle coming from the oppositedirection. Jeff made the comment "How can he live in   
those wind pants? They're so 1992." *laughs* That Jeff shoulda been a comedian. Then I said "And let's not forget that   
swoosh, swoosh sound they make, that's tre embarrassing." Anyhow... when he saw us he said "Jericho, can I speak to   
you?" Jeff left giggling. I put on my best bored look to let him know I wasn't interested. I mean... what makes him thinks   
he's good enough for me? He's such a dork, and Jericho and dork do not go hand in hand. *cringes* He congratulated me   
on beating The Rock. *sigh* Small talk, from small people, how passe. I kept looking over his shoulder hoping I would spot   
The Rock. Where was he? He was in the people's dressing room of course. Duh, Kitty. I guess DORK ANGEL noticed cause   
he was like "Are you looking for someone." and I went "No." in my best bored voice. He looked at me kinda funny, and he was  
like "I gotta go." Why do such trivial people waste my time? *rolls eyes* I've decided when I see The Rock again I'm going to   
attack him for standing me up. You don't keep Jericho waiting.Maybe, I'll even put him in the Walls in Jericho again. Did I   
say maybe? I meant definitely.   
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho

Dear Kittarella....  
Yeah, I felt like calling you by your given name. Isn't it cute? You're like the sister I never had. I tell you everything.  
*tee-hee* I know you won't tell. *cries* Why won't Rob Van Dam die already? I saw The Rock flirting with him again.  
I hate Rob Van Dam. I hate The Rock. Why can't they see that... Chris Jericho is the whole f'n show? Haha I stole  
Rob's catch phrase. That's what he gets for being a fucking prick and getting into business he shouldn't. I hate   
the way he talks. He's so spaced out. I think he *looks around* smokes weed. He talks just like stoner. It's all   
spaced out sounded. "Hey Dude....gnarly......I think I need another joint, man. Bitchin'......" What the hell is that?   
He can't even make a complete sentence. I hate them both. I'm going to make them both choke on their words.   
I, Chris Jericho, do solemnly swear that from this day forward I will terrorize The Rock and his bitch RVD. I can't  
believe he's into the dumb, stonery type. What's wrong with me? I'm available. *screams* I'M AVAILABLE!! *double screams*  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho  
P.S. I wonder what The Rock is wearing tomorrow, Kitty. I want to color cordinate my wardrobe to match his. No, not  
because I like him. It will look more attractive when we're fighting. I want to make the Jerichoholics happy. It shouldn't  
be hard to find something that compliments my hair that cordinates with The Rock. He mostly wears black these days.   
I wounder why this is. What happened to his million dollar shirts? Well, I'm really off now. I have to go get an outfit ready  
for tomorrow, and do my beautiful golden mane. Maybe, I'll get Jeff to help me out.

Dear Kitty...  
Today I wore my nice black pants with the purple barbwire on them. I felt like opening my arms out wide and   
tell The Rock, "Here I am in all my vainglory. Worship me." Of course, it wouldn't be very ethical. It might   
look bad on my part, too. *sigh* A boy can dream can't he? I think I matched very well with The Rock tonight.  
He had on his nice leather vest, totally shirtless under it might I add, with those hot fitting leather pants   
with his diamond Brahma bull belt.*sqeals* I know, right. I was like drool, drool all over the damn arena. Even   
Jeff said, he was dressed to impress, but then again doesn't he always? . Jeff and I are going to watch the   
Victoria's Secret fashion show. I don't know about any of those other little anorexic bitches, but Tyra Banks  
is grr, baby, grr. Jeff thinks that other chick is cute. I forget her name..Evangelista...I think. I don't know..  
I don't care cause Tyra Banks is GGGGRRRR. *laughs* Why don't they make a Victoria's Secret for men? They could   
call it Victor's Secret. I want my undewear to look good, too. *sigh* Women get everything. Anyway, Kitty, I must depart  
Hugz and kizzez,  
Chris Jericho

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Loved it? Hated it? More? Lemme know something *screams*


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